nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
