if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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