i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Randomize
