So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize
