Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
