The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize