Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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