i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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