is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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