I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
