i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I will pee on everything he values.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Randomize
