But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
