I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
