absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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