We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
