Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
