Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
