I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
