But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
