Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
