We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
