dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize