He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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