a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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