Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
