Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
