i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
The beers last night were like the tears from god
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
