playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
