he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
