I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
