im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
