Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
