Need sex. Gaining weight.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
it was like eating out sand paper
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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