On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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