So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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