Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
