Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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