i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
