Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
