you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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