Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
