We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize