I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
