I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
