I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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