when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
