whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
