is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Drake has all the answers
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
