you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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