You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
