you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
It's official drugs can't kill me
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
