Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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