Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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