I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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