your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize