Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
