my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
