Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize