Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
