who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
