I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize