okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
