even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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