Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
